PAST.

Past just let it past.
I will heal myself from this pain and shits.
Sometimes I really asked myself what have I done in life to make all these shits happen to me?

I am not a clown to be fool around taken for granted.
Love is tragic, love is about hurts, love is about sadness, love has nothing... ... great.

SO HAPPENING.

I had a long weekend. I think it's one of the longest weekend I've ever had.
Alot of things happened, I am almost trashed.
Like I say I am standing in the middle of the bridge, turn left nor right seems wrong.

In two days time I'll be 20.
I chose to leave the relationship eventhough I know it hurts.
Eventhough it feels like my heart has been cut into pieces and get stepped.
That's how painful it is.
I cry till I already don't know how to turn off that tap already.

But I'm glad my girlfriends are there.
I've been on earth for 20years, I felt cherished by friends and family.
I choose to walk away, run to the other person's heart.

Someone that will treasure my presence.
Someone that will try his best to make me smile.
Someone that I know I he's here for me. (:

Mr R. is not no good.
It's just that maybe because we know each other too long.
We know each other too well.
We know each other how we think of each other.
We know each others good and bad habits.
We know each others friends, family.
I did cherish that rs, I did wanted to hold on longer.
But there are too much hurts and disappointment I have taken in.

Maybe when you know each other too well.
You will get bored and leave each other ultimately.
I've learn alot, I realize I have to fight for my own happiness.
I have to be selfish.
Relationship takes two hands to clap.
It's very simple, trust and communcation.
When you lost both, then it's about time that it ends.

I used to always don't understand why in love there's hatred.
Now, I know why I totally understand why.
I dunno what will happen in the future.
I dunno was this a better choice.
But like I say once you walk straight, you can't make a u turn in life.

I don't blame him, I don't blame myself.
I just blame things that happened.
I just blame why did God make us met each other.
Get so in love and one day you have to let go.
Life, I never understand.
I never understand how to walk.
Try and error, fall and pick myself up and walk again.

Maybe really to love a person, is to let him go and seek for a better future and happiness.
Humans expect too much from each other, and once you cant meet each others expectations.
Ya... there goes the end.

EVERYDAY IS A SMILEY DAY!

It's nice when you know you are being cherished.
Eversince the day I know you, everyday is a smiley day.
I really like a relationship like this.
We can talk day till dawn, dawn till night.
I share your worries and thoughts, vice versa.

Ok, I can't wait to see you tonight dear!
I know I'm going to smile all day long with you. (:

SAVE ME.

He brought me back to life.

Saved me from hell.
I love you favourite boy. (:

FIRST LOVE.

The last time, seriously finally.

Sad, I don't deny the fact I am sad.
Who broke up will not feel sad.

Lol.

But when you know the relationship cant continue anymore you have go no choice.

But to let go.

Ya, I cried bcos it started all with a sweet essence but it's not like this anymore.

I cried because i miss the past.

I cried and tell myself I am not going to dwell with it for long.

I love, I really love this guy damn hell lots.

But I know I have to learn to love myself more.

Since his heart already died for you, there's no way for me to hold on.

No matter what, I treasure this love.

Till now, I am still treasuring.

Six months, two years of knowing him.

I thought I can see the word 'last' in us but yaa...

It's okay, maybe one day when he learns to turn back and look.

Maybe there's still 0.01 percent of chance.

For now, I want to live a great life without him.

I always thought I can't live without him by my side.

But I know it's time for me to learn already.

Lastly, thank you for loving me Roy. (:

LOVE SUCKS.

I damn hate this kind of feeling.

It's like standing in the middle of the bridge.

Like turn neither left nor right is wrong.

All wrong.

Shall I stay or shall I leave?

Both will cause injuries and hurts.

I hate being the way I am now.

I hate to head the clubs but my partner is not here.

I hate it when like guys will want to get close to you.

Bcos they think you got no bf.

Hello, I am not a bitch.

I hate this, I rather have a control freak bf!!!

At least it shows they care, not fucking dunt care.

PS: Sometimes I really wonder, why should I love myself so much since no one loves me... ... what.

LAST FLIGHT.

Has been very long, I last was here.

It's 6th December, 830pm.

I am at Singapore, Summerville Road.

It's exactly a month to my 20th.

It's gonna be the 200days of togetherness as well.

Well, I guess I am the only one who will take note of every little things.

2009 has come to an end.

It's gonna be a starting point next year. I hope.

Everything's afresh!

Like Roy, to me 2008 and 2009 were not good.

Too many events took place that made me learnt alot in life.

Kinda realize what I truly, really want in life.

20 years on earth, sometimes I think I am so extra in this universal.

To be very frank, I know I am a nobody friend.

I am Roy's girlfriend yet it don't seem like one.

Well, paranoid. Life is tough.

So tough that sometimes I wish I can stop breathing.

20years, I ask myself am I happy?

No, I am not.

I don't denied the happiest moments of my past twenty years.

Was during church days, in Youth Impact.

That I know I felt a little sense of worth being on earth.

But that was past already.

Today, I still choose to move on.

I don't know what will happen for the next 10, 20 years.

Twenty years, wow mum had given me to have life for 20years.

God has do the world a favour to bring me into this world.

Whatever it's gonna to be, I wish I will never be alone.

In time to come, I really really really.

Dont wish to be a lonely freak.

Eventhough I have so many regrets in the past 20years.

But I am thankful.

I thank God for always being around at my lowest point of life.

Many times, I really want to end my life.

But I know He paid a price for it. I should not think that way.

I want to thank my 'irresponsible' parents.

Eventhough they didn't really show care and concern for the past years.

But I still love them because ultimately they are still... my blood related parents.

I always remember even I am so hard to love but He still loves.

So eventhough my parents did a mistake but I still love them.

I want to thank my family, ya we are not rich but we still stand strong!

I want to thank friends being around in my life, making my life worthwhile.

You should know who you are, not gonna repeat myself.

I want to thank church friends and pastors.

They taught me life. They taught me to live up my life.

I want to thank my fantastic colleagues.

They are like my second family, shared all my problems.

They taught me life as well.

They're like the most unexpected treasures I got in life.

So many times I feel like giving up, they are the ones who stand by me.

Lastly, I want to thank Jill Lim Jia Hui.

You've been very strong, so much stronger than I thought.

You cannot choose life but you can choose how to live life.

20years, I've seen you been through so many unexpected things.

Yet, you pull it through.

Even from the start, so many times you wanted to give up, you pull through.

I know you never want to be who you are today,

but under so many circumstances, you are still not bad afterall.

I am proud of being who are you today.

It's just 20years, there are so much to learn and experience.

I LOVE YOU.

Even when no one is going to stand by you, your heart and soul still remain yours... ...

STRONG GIRL, JIAYOU!